he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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