I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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