someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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