My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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