Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
