Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
