hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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