It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
