1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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