can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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