Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
