the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
