so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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