well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
