he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
