Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
