Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
