i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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