What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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