My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
