i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
