He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
