I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
