all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
