Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
