Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
