found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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