corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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