Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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