you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
