well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
