dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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