My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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