apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
