i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
