maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
