Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
