Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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