he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My breasts were aching with rage.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
