If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
