I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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