just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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