Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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