I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
