May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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