I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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