I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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