A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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