Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
