Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
