I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
