He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
