Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
