I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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