Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize