i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
