I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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