Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
