i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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