my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
