Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
