it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
