I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
