I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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