im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry about my life...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
