I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
