Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize