Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
