well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
