I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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