The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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