Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love having hate sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
