two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
